So we went to the orientation at the Independent Adoption Center this weekend. It is the first weekend of two back-to-back sessions. We go for what is called the Weekend Intensive next weekend where we will meet our adoption coordinator, learn more about the adoption process, sign our official contract and get useful tips on how to set up our Dear Birthmother letter and website. The agency is in Los Angeles near the airport, and by near the airport, I mean like in the landing pattern of the major airlines. It is in a nice office building, though. We will get back to that in a minute.
Because the agency is so far away from Bakersfield, we decided to stay the night in a hotel so we could be fresh and ready for the orientation, since it started early Saturday morning. Because we are trying to keep the costs low in the early stages of this process, we decided to book a room at the Motel 6. Now, we will occasionally frequent a Motel 6 because they allow pets. We always find decent ones by the beach. So naturally, we assumed this would be no different - plus it was a highrise building, you know, like a real hotel. We should have known by the front desk workers. They were less than thrilled to accept any guests because it means they have to actually work. Neither of the employees could manage a "hello" or a "welcome to Motel 6". Instead they barked orders at us. Previously, I had made an online reservation requesting a nonsmoking room with a king sized bed. When we arrived at our room, it was adorned with a less than appealing haze of smoke, dingy carpets, and two full beds. Chad immediately called the front desk to establish a plan to rectify the situation. Apparently the lady on the other end had other plans and stated that our reservation came in that day requesting a smoking room with two beds. Thankfully the world has developed in such a manner that we have the internet on smart phones, and I had my email with the original reservation readily available. We returned to the front desk where the lady was easily spotted by Chad as the one who had copped the attitude on the phone. She continued to insist that they had gotten our reservation correct until I was able to produce the email on the aforementioned cell phone. In true customer service form, she refused to apologize and, instead, hastily made a room change and directed us to a new room. When we arrived, it was finally up to are standards. The rest of the night went fairly uneventful.
The next morning, we arose early to head down the road to begin our orientation. The building, as I mentioned earlier, was very nice, with security and everything. We checked in and proceeded up to the fourth floor, because I thought the email I received said "Suite 450". Turns out, the fourth floor is nearly abandoned and there was no agency offices. We returned to the security desk where the nice officer directed us to the third floor. Again, we boarded the elevator for the third floor. Turns out, she was mistaken this time. In my brilliance, I decided to reference the email on my nifty smart phone (thats two saves in less that 24 hours, I believe the iPhone has paid for itself now), turns out it said "Suite 1450". Back to the elevators and up to floor 14. And like a bright beacon of light, we found the offices. With a nice sign that read, "Orientation is in the conference room on the 2nd floor." At this point, I was more than thankful that I was anxious enough to get us there a half hour before the orientation started. Sweaty and exhausted already, we finally found our destination. The conference room. With the door locked and the lights off. Nearly defeated, I began to panic thinking I had gotten the date wrong. For the third time, I referenced the email on my phone only to realize the orientation didn't start at 8:30. It started at 9:30. We were terribly early. We were terribly early and our car was parked in a metered garage. We were stuck for an hour. BUT we were not late.
We returned to the conference room, without difficulty the second round, to find the doors open and a friendly face to greet us. We were still the first people to arrive, its always good to be punctual. The meeting began, and there were several other couples - both gay and straight but the gay couples were twice as many as the straight couples - nervously waiting to learn about the agency. Even though we were pretty much sold on this option before the orientation based on our previous experience in orientation 3 years ago, attending this meeting was all we needed to feel 100% ready to sign on the proverbial dotted line. We learned a lot about the agency and their role in the adoption process.
The agency acts as a liaison between the birth mothers and the adoptive parents. They do a significant amount of screening of the potential birth mothers to ensure that they are fully ready to make the commitment of giving their child up for adoption. They also conduct significant amounts of screenings to identify any medical problems or mental health problems in her family so that she can be ranked by level of risk for problems with the child. This way, the adoptive parents can make the most informed decision about whether or not to adopt her child. They also market the heck out of the adoptive parents. The agency spends nearly $1 million a year on internet advertising to reach out to pregnant women (with the average age being 22-23). When the birthmothers agree to work with the agency, they are provided with counseling throughout their pregnancy to help prepare them for the process and educate them on the anticipatory grief associated with the adoption.
The matching process was likened to online dating. The adoptive parents all have profiles online and the birthmothers are able to scroll through them, choosing search criteria to help narrow down the options (things like ethnicity, location, religious affiliation, relationship makeup, etc.). When she has found one couple she may be interested in, she can mark it as a favorite and that couple will be notified that they have been "favorited." If the birthmother really wants to know more about the couple, she can even message them and start an online dialogue. It is then encouraged to make a meeting with the two parties (with the agency providing guidance about what to expect). If it is decided that both parties hit it off and want to move forward, the agency is notified and they enter into an agreement or "relationship". The rest is history - with the end result being a new life-long relationship and a baby!
We were introduced to a couple who had just been through the process and had a 9 week old daughter to show off. They told their story of their journey through adoption and a lot of tears were shed. I don't know that there was a dry eye in the house. It was just so amazing to hear how excited they were and to see that they had a child. The adoptive mother said, as she held her daughter, "sometimes I forget that I didn't actually give birth to her. She is my daughter. That is it." Those words made me so incredibly excited. I can't wait to experience that feeling to hold our child and know that he or she is ours.
Before the birth, it is decided with both sides, how much contact there will be with the birthmother. The sample couple said they are on an extreme end of the spectrum because they have such a good relationship with the birthmother, that they spend a lot of time with her. The agency strongly recommends at least one contact each year - either in person or on the telephone. The agency hosts annual picnics with all the families, and it sounds like this is the easiest way for everyone to meet up. We are still in the process of deciding how involved we want the birthmother to be. It is very hard to separate our desires from what is in the best interest of the child to help reduce feelings of abandonment. I guess that is all in due time.
So that was the orientation. Since our return, we have been inundated with paperwork and preparation for our next big weekend. But that will be for the next entry!
Thank you all for your support!
Travis
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